Swine flu is the new snow day.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
