I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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