I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
