my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
