just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
