i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A+ Viking dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
