maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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