Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
