Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time