Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.