You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
the liver wants what the liver wants
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.