just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.