So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.