You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
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And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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