Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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