fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
