Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
