theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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