Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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