i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
