I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
