ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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