I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
