i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
