Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
