he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
