Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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