bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
