a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
