the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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