i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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