i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
