Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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