I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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