Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
