I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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