Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
