You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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