he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
