I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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