If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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