Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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