We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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