Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I have already put on my inside pants.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I want a musical about memes.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
