Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
