oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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