Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
