I will die if light touches me.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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