The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
