i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
