he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She announced her abortion via fbk
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
