how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
