I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
