My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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