dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
