she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
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