She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
