Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
