He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
