She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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