It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There r osticjed everywhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
