and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
