I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
