He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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