I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
