i think my mom watched the whole time
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
