they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
