You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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