have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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