The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize