The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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