I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
