so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
