I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
