I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
