I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This beer is not sobering me up at all
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
