Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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