Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
