I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
